The Yellow submarine and tipeecanoe the jello queen

Let me just start by saying this.I hate water. There is no grand mystery as to why, the answer is fear. When my friend Krissy invited me along on her float trip I am not even sure why I agreed to go. Maybe because she is my friend and I was relatively sure she would not let me die.

That being said,you know that eerie feeling you sometimes get when you know something isn't right? Well, I got that feeling while we were renting our canoe when an unseen dog growled at us from under the trailer where the toothless lady was telling us to sign our names on the "contract" that we in civilization like to call a piece of notebook paper. It was then that I realized our travels had taken us to just past the corner of BFE and YOU GOT A PURDY MOUTH.

Once we all paid, we had to load up on a school bus. Sorry, school buses creep me out. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that my most recent bus days were spent being felt up by random band geeks ( at least one of whom I manged to marry some 12 years later) abd the fact that the drunken bus driver navigated a bus like my Uncle Homer.I would have to say that the coup de gras was when they dropped us off in a cow field. WTF COWS!?!?

I felt much better once we shoved off on the only yellow canoe on the river singing "we all live in a yellow submarine" at the tops of our lungs. I felt oodles better when Amber revealed her treasure from the next boat over. JELLO SHOTS!!! Amber, I love you for supplying our trip with wiggly-jiggly goodness! They were so cool and firm, I only wished for a longer tongue to slide across the bottom of the cup.

We were still sucking down Jello shots 2 hours into the float. Someone brought sweet tea vodka and hard lemonaide, so we shared Arnold Palmer between rounds of Jello. By the way, if you pour some Arnold Palmer into one of those jello cups and dare someone to drinkit, out of a half dozen drunks someone will, even though you already convinced them it's pee.

Besides the average banter about who would win in a fight, Batman or Superman (by the way, the correct answer is Batman simply because he is a bad-ass and that is no thanks to stupid Christain Bale's interpretation of him), important rules were decided on this float trip for future float trips. From now on, only chartruce shirts (girls do not have to wear them but must show boobage to earn the right not to) flip flops are the best footware, SPF 60 is the minimum sunscreen allowed, cold KFC is for lunch, and someone needs to figure out a way to make pudding shots. Oh yeah and most importantly, find shallower jello cups because Jenna likes to lick the bottom and her tongue, like the rest of her, is short (it's not the size, it's how you use it).

I did not regret my decision to go on the trip that day. I am not gonna lie, there were times when I was a little worried, but John Lennon once said "all you need is love" and I loves me some jello shots, so everything was okay!